I’m going to cut to the chase on this one: While I would never advocate marrying someone just because of his/her money, I absolutely believe in the idea of marrying someone who knows what fiscal responsibility is and who is able to communicate clearly about his/her financial situation. Someone who understands that money is a tool to live the life you’ve always dreamed of rather than a means for instant gratification or a crutch to limp along on.
Essentially, I’m an advocate of marrying for money management by choosing a life partner who has the same ideals and values as you do when it comes to money. I’m a firm believer that those who enter any sort of long-term commitment with a blind eye towards the finances are setting themselves up for a greater likelihood of future stress, arguments, and the eventual demise of the relationship (after all, money problems are the number one reason most couples end up splitting).
Of course, for a hopeless romantic such as myself, love must absolutely go hand-in-hand with your financially savvy beau. For the purpose of argument, this is not an either-or type of scenario–I do believe it’s possible to find both love and sound financial management when it comes to deciding who to marry.
A History of Societal Norms that Celebrate Gold Diggers
In the past, it was common practice for a man to be the sole breadwinner of the family. He worked while she stayed at home to cook, clean, and raise the children. As antiquated as these societal norms might seem in our booming, she-can-do-anything 21st century world now, the notion of the man as the earner is rooted in centuries of history spanning thousands of cultures.
Up until a few decades ago, marriage was more of a financial transaction than a love-ridden quest for the sweet life. When two people created their union, it was built upon a foundation of producing and supporting a family. If love was anywhere in the equation, it was a fleeting bonus.
While this certainly sounds depressing, a quick trip through even the past 40 years or so leads you right back to an era where primping and dressing was simply a way to attract the most desirable mates who brought along their hefty checkbooks. As unfair and sexist as it seems, the most attractive women often “landed” the most eligible, wealthy men. One could go as far as to reason that beauty became nothing more than a tool to attract money.
The Current Portrayal of a Gold Digger
If you’re a fan of reality shows, you might have noticed an undercurrent where women are painted as money-hungry, clueless vultures who line up in hordes to snag the latest and greatest (read: financially stable and handsome) bachelor.Where do these TV-produced relationships end up? Typically, they are a on a one-way ride to Splitsville and along the way, they have some ugly, paparazzi-filled arguments and blow outs to eek out any last chance at fame and fortune along the way.
If there’s anything we can learn from these shows, it’s that a manufactured relationship, no matter the money, glitz, and glamor associated with it, won’t usually stand the test of time because it lacks the fundamental human needs of intimacy, love, and trust.
The next time you see that Stepford Wife or Real Houswife-esque neighbor of yours, take a closer look to determine whether or not true happiness exists for that person. Chances are, under the Mercedes SUV, skim latte, and Lululemon-clad exterior exists a woman who doesn’t know when her husband will be home next, who can’t remember the last time she had a date night with him, and who is desperate for a real, meaningful expression of love.
Marrying for Money–The Correct Way
On the surface, marrying for money sounds (and is) terrible. But what about marrying someone who’s good with their money and who can communicate his/her ideas, desires, and preferences? Why is it that when love comes a knockin,’ people are so much more likely to overlook financial red flags? Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too when it comes to falling in love and still being able to manage our finances successfully?
It’s absolutely possible to do this, but you have to be aware from the beginning. Along with those initial butterflies of a romantic date gone so well, make note of any red flags when it comes to that person’s money situation. As your courtship continues, your communication should evolve. Does that person spend more than they earn? Are their bills paid? Do they invest in their future? Are they able to share a long-term plan with you? Is there an emergency fund in the picture?
If you’re not able to figure these things out or are responding “No” more than “Yes,” consider what your future might be like if that person isn’t able to make lasting changes before both of you commit to a life together. As much as you might love that person, are you prepared to spend your life managing one financial disaster after the next?
Don’t be blinded by love–bring your head out of the clouds long enough to make a rational analysis of your potential future with this person. If things aren’t perfect now, no worries. But if that person isn’t willing to make the necessary financial changes now, don’t bank on them being able to do it in the future (pun intended!). Unfortunately, when it comes to marriage and money, love doesn’t always conquer all.
What are your thoughts on marrying for money?
