Dear Black Friday,

Oh, the tormented, love-hate relationship we’ve built over the past 10 years since I first met you. You’ve helped me save massive amounts of money, but you’ve also shown me a darker side of my fellow humans…

I’ve witnessed grown women crying over pots & pans, I’ve seen fist-fights spawn over the last Harry Potter DVD in the bin, and I’ve laughed while teenagers leap over each other to secure their coveted Wii games. I’ve also dragged a 32″ TV behind me through a Target because there were no more carts, forced my little sisters to ride in my hatchback along with a 55″ TV for the ‘rents (I sense a theme of television-related purchases in our various, sordid affairs), and I’ve cut in line when it came time for the doors of the mall to open (see the things you do to me?!).

But no matter the madness that ensues year after year, I will continue to proclaim my undying love for you when I again venture out into the depths of retail Hell this Friday. I will smile fondly as I save 60-90% off on the things already on my shopping list (I’m sorry, but I’m no longer tempted by your myriad of too-good-to-be-true impulse purchases). I will also celebrate my haul as I brag to my boyfriend and siblings about how much I saved this year. And I will ultimately be proud because your insanity will allow me to provide gifts to impoverished and needy families in my community because I can buy even more when those cute toddler outfits are a mere $2.97 and the reason why I brave the throngs of thirsty shoppers is really to be able to give even more back to those who need it most.

So as I view your sexy, over-commercialized ads on 2011blackfridayads.com, I’ll make my list, and I’ll check it twice. Here’s to hoping that the memories we create this year will be filled more with holiday cheer and less with stories of people being trampled and crushed at Wal-Mart.

Yours through thick and nerve-shattering thin,
The Happy Homeowner